Jim Beam Belt Buckle

All the benefits of the club think about is what could, if it leaves them in a pissed-off mood ever, and so they treat everyone like shit. When they give you a golf lesson, it is because they want your money for this new bottle of Jim Beam later. They will not tell you the secrets of golf. I will.

Forget all the lessons you have taken golf pros. Forget the right hand to left, good posture, his head still full shoulder turn, perfect swing, supination, belt buckle to the target, complete follow through, right elbow in the pocket and pile other things a guy you were charged $ 40 per half hour to remember.

There are only two lessons you will need to be a good golfer .

First, a truism. Not one of the two lessons, but a truism, whatever. Remember this: All the benefits of the club are idiots. "Jerk" was not really what I meant, but I think self-censorship. Why are they fools?

All people of their lives told them how they are. When they were children against all the other golfers in the city, their parents boast of them. When they were young golfers marvel at the high school that has beaten everyone in the state, the papers wrote stories about how the child would be the next Jack Nicklaus. At school, they were All-American and they were so kind, they left their junior year to join the PGA Tour. Then after two or three years of lousy golf, they left and became a club pro.

Lesson No. 1 has a story behind it. Dub Pagan was an old pro tour in West Palm Beach, Fla., who played against Snead, Hogan and Nelson's time. I had never swung a golf club, so I asked him for a lesson. I gave him $ 20, and he asked me to hit a little for him. I have in mind a few shots, and he said: "Stop - that's enough. Here. 'He handed me the $ 20 and said: "This is the worst swing I've ever seen. Go take another sport. You will never be a golfer. "

I was so upset that I vowed to practice like crazy to prove him wrong. Within three years, I had a handicap to single digits.

Lesson No. 2 also has a history behind it. Another pro, this time a woman, could not help but swing for swing. In frustration, she says, "Imagine you have a penny stuck between your buttocks, and you can not drop during the swing."

I tried, but for the first couple of swings, I could not find the right one and it was impossible to squeeze your cheeks with legs at address. She explained that I had only imagine shaking dime near the top of the backswing and just before the head of the club contacted the ball. Behind this compression is supposed to keep my right hip and leg from swaying too far right on the backswing and my left hip and leg sway too far left in contact.

When she left the line to answer a phone call, I took a penny from my pocket and he pushed ... well, you can guess. I helped a few times and hit the ball pretty well. But then, before I can remove the dime of his new home, the return Pro. Unfortunately, the lesson lasted 45 minutes more, and that I could try to get him out, tithing is still in place. You try to remove a penny from your ass in 90 percent humidity, no hands.

So what have you learned? You have learned that the club professionals are idiots and think they are better than you. Second, you have learned two secrets of good golf.

Lesson One: Do you respect tell you that you suck in golf.

Lesson Two: Imagine you have a penny stuck between your buttocks, and you can not drop during the swing.

Why, in no time, you'll be a great golfer and can tour bill.